Sunday, March 1, 2009

More on MBTI

My MBTI : I.S.T.J.

My Take :
Well , I think this trait best described me. I am rather quiet because of "environmental" issues , independent in sorting out problems (prefer to work alone) . I am a "duty-filler" , prefer to solve problems first rather than leaving it at the last moment (if there's no time constraint). I can be tactful sometimes , as I prefer to do what is right rather than doing things that will make others happy.

My Strength :
1.Responsible to carry out duties
2. Independent
3. Organised (sort of)
4. Managed to stay cool and calm in different situations.
5. A great listener (although sometimes I might be tactful)

My weaknesses :
1. Not flexible , will stick to the idea initiated rather than taking risks.
2. Not considering the feelings of others (especially when we are doing teamwork).
3. Believe more on facts than feelings or opinions
4. Take care more on myself more than anything/anybody.
5. Risk-adverse.

Improvements needed :
1. Try to be more sociable to communicate with others.
2. Must remember than silent is not always consent , try to relate to others' feelings and opinions while making decisions also it may be time-consuming.
3. Try taking risks when necessary.

-On the way to discover myself....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Trip To Cambodia

I heard that photos were shown during the session , but well , I missed it...

Well, personally , I am extremely curious about this trip.
I have always wanted to see it for myself , about their lifestyles and all that.
I watched a documentary called " Sense of Home" last year, one of episodes is based on Cambodia. It is almost similar to India (my personal opinion), the towns weren't that modern yet , at least there is constant supply of food in the market , not forgetting the magnificent Angkor Wat and Tonle Sap , and the hotels are , of course , being hotels. From the documentary , although it wasn't clearly shown , I think the children from rural areas (kampung) weren't educated , most of them can't understand English.
Feelings ?
- Curious
- Looking forward to this trip
{that is if funds for the trip and A-Maths don't affect me much}
- Happy , as we'll have this opportunity to learn outside of school as well as getting personal experience first hand compared to watching a documentary about the children living in those rural areas.

Goals ?
- Hope to be more global-minded
- Experiencing the actual meaning of poverty
- Hope to adapt well in other places besides being in Singapore , basically I'm not that flexible enough.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I was quite surprise when this article was published on the Straits Times, especially when she always pretend to be a mute whenever someone probes her on her personal life. I admit that it's quite difficult to search the necessary information on her to prove that she's successful , and this article came out right on time !
Yes , it's indeed a bingo.

Inside the outsider

Andy Chen
The Statesman
Publication Date: 15-12-2008

In the flesh, 27-year-old Singaporean actress-singer Rui En could pass for a junior college student. She is 1.68m tall and says she weighs about 52kg.

So it is disconcerting to hear this slip of a girl intone in all seriousness: "I've decided to reveal certain things that I've never revealed before. I've decided to be a lot more personal. So when I was preparing for this interview, I was thinking I have enough stories for three lifetimes."

Her full name is Lu Rui En and she is usually tight-lipped about her personal life, especially about her broken family.

"You know how people are asked if they would change anything about their lives? Many say no, they wouldn't change a thing. Well, I would change the first 24 years of my life."

For instance, she would burn the photos from an FHM shoot she did during her modelling career. These days, she does not even wear revealing clothes on TV.

It would seem like this interview is the confessional she has been looking for. This is not because she needs to promote her recently released second album, United States, so called because she wrote the lyrics to many of the songs to unite her different states of mind.

It is because she has read The Monday Interview series in The Straits Times and has decided this is the "right platform".

She says: "You're not going to reveal things about your childhood in a magazine asking you about your new album or TV show. It is simply not appropriate."

She also thinks she is ready to unload her tale. "I used to be really angsty. That's the thing I like about getting older. You accept yourself a little bit more. I used to hate myself."

Today, she is not the straight-talking non-conformist who used to fire take- no-prisoners barbs like: "I never set out to be a Zoe or Fann. I don't like acting-acting. That's Channel 8 acting."

Instead, she is guarded and hesitant. "Petrified," she says. Most likely, she has run through many times in her head what she is going to say here and does not want to deviate from the chronological order of her life, just in case she gets "mixed up".

"I don't want to hurt my parents because they've been through a lot. I told them I was doing this interview and cleared it with them so they won't be shocked."

She starts at the beginning with her childhood. She is the only child of a property agent and a housewife. By all accounts, she was "very quiet". Unfortunately, her parents fought all the time.

"They were the most incompatible couple I have ever seen," she says.

"From the time I could understand things as a child, I learnt to be very careful, so as not to set off a war between them. If you did something wrong, it would set them off. The instability and insecurity I felt would plague me and influence my decisions for the rest of my life."

Her parents divorced when she was 17. Her father remarried three years later and her mother did the same a year ago.

She now lives with her dad, stepmother and grandmother in a flat in Clementi, and admits she is daddy's girl. But she is also close to her mother, whom she calls her No 1 fan in the album notes of United States.

"It's kind of squeezy at home but I like the fact that there are people around me, simply because I think things are a lot more stable at home now and I didn't have that when I was a kid."

On those tumultuous years, she says: "My career started when I was about 20 but I actually started acting when I was a child. I developed a very fertile imagination because I was lonely and I didn't have anyone to share my loneliness and frustrations with.

"It's irrational, but when your parents are fighting, you feel the need to take sides. And after you take sides, you feel a lot of guilt. You just blame yourself because, as a kid, you don't know what else to do. When you have to be so careful around your parents, you end up withdrawing into yourself."

It became a pattern: She felt like an outsider in her own home and everywhere she went subsequently.

During her primary and secondary school years in Singapore Chinese Girls' School, she felt she was from the wrong socio-economic class. "If you go to SCGS and you're not rich, it just makes it worse. From that point on, I was always an outsider looking in."

At Raffles Junior College, she was from "the wrong side of the tracks, by RJC standards", flunking her first-year exams. At Nanyang Technological University, she was a fish out of water--a literature lover studying banking and finance because it was "practical".

At MediaCorp now, she is also an outsider of sorts, trying not to be the average vacuous Channel 8 star. "Well, I try my best not to be," she says, and this has led to accusations that she is cold and unfriendly.

Her decision at Primary 5 to take up ballet, which she loves, deepened her feelings of rejection because the world of pirouettes in SCGS largely comprised "socialites' daughters" whose "mums knew one another and went for high tea".

She says: "Eventually, the whole not fitting in and feeling like an outsider just got to me and I quit after Secondary 1. And that is something I regret till now because I really love dance."

Without dance, there was a "hole in my heart", she says in an exaggerated fashion, acknowledging the melodrama of the phrase. This was when she "was drawn" to a schoolmate who was from a worse background than hers and yet "seemed so strong, streetwise and cool".

That started her period of delinquency during which she began to experiment with cigarettes and alcohol.

She says: "I hung out with the kind of people I shouldn't have hung out with. I was also probably trying, in my own ridiculous way, to annoy my parents because I wanted their attention."

Yet, she would always study at the last minute for her major exams and do well.

While waiting to enter university, she sent her photos to a modelling agency. "If somebody was going to pay me to take a picture, that was proof to myself that I was not unwanted, that I was pretty."

The agency signed her on and in 2001, got her in a SingTel TV ad, which in turn landed her a contract with Hype Records. This was followed by her first album, Rui En Vol 1, in 2002.

"When I did that first album, I didn't pay my dues. I was just given the opportunity," she admits. Before that, the only musical training she had was two years of choir experience in Secondary 3 and 4.

"Again, I got into show business for the wrong reasons, thinking if someone wants to sign me,it means I'm not that unwanted, I'm not so ugly. It was just this stupid insecurity thing again."

Until she was in her early 20s, she smoked and drank socially. "Smoking was something I did because I wanted to be cool," she says.

But in 2004, she started an overhaul of her life. On her own, she realised how her teenage delinquency, which set off another war at home between her and her parents, and her modelling, singing and acting career were all symptoms of her insecurity.

"I was looking for ways to fill the emptiness that I felt. And I used everything, from hanging out with older people to partying to fame. I thought that fame was the ultimate answer to my problems.

"So from 2002 to 2004, it was just about that, about my ego. That part of my career is completely regrettable. During that time, I did a couple of Chinese shows, including My Mighty In-Laws, but the worst was Achar!."

In 2004, in the second season of the Channel 5 sitcom about an Indian- Chinese couple, she replaced actress Steph Song and turned in a performance that disgusted herself.

"I remember watching Achar! and thinking that I didn't recognise myself. I was doing kissing scenes and all this annoying behaviour. I watched the show and thought that was not me. All I saw in my eyes was the hunger for fame and popularity. I really hated what I had become.

"So I decided to sit down and take stock of my whole life. I realised that I was just allowing myself to be a victim."

She adds: "I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I didn't want to use my broken family as an excuse for my behaviour anymore. I had to grow up."

So she quit smoking and drinking. She quit wanting to be famous and popular. And most significantly for her career, she quit doing kissing and intimate scenes.

Ironically, in that same year, she was nominated for Best Newcomer at MediaCorp's Star Awards. Effectively, she stuck a knife in her own career when it was just starting to blossom.

She says: "The result of my decision is that my opportunities now are very much limited, because generally, such kissing scenes are required."

Since 2005, she has played variations of the feisty, young woman in shows such as A Promise For Tomorrow (2005), Love At 0 Deg C (2006), Honour And Passion (2007) and Metamorphosis (2008).

Earlier this year, she rejected a role in the Channel 8 drama The Defining Moment because of a rape scene in the script. The high-profile part of a go-getting businesswoman struggling with mental illness went to Fann Wong instead.

It has also been reported that there are influential TV producers who will not cast her in their shows. This does not concern her, not when she is finally at peace with herself. She says she is in a good place in her life because she is not fighting with herself anymore.

When she is filming--her current project is The Dreamcatchers where her character is stuck in a love triangle with Shaun Chen and Elvin Ng--she mostly keeps to herself in between takes by reading and listening to her iPod. When she is not working, she watches DVDs, reads, surfs the Internet and goes running.

She says she does not have any good friends in the industry. She does not have many good friends, period.

"I don't understand why people are so fearful of being alone. I love being alone."

As impressive as her Wolverine-like self-healing ability is, a counsellor or therapist might say she still has some things to work on. For one thing, she seems a little too thin, although she says her negative body image days are behind her.

Also, she seems to have a fear of relationships. Currently single, she says she regrets all the romantic relationships she has had till now and admits she might never get married.

"My mother is quite upset and has said to me, 'Please don't use us as an example'. But when you grow up in that environment, you become careful. I would rather not put my welfare or my fate in the hands of somebody else."

Then why did she do this heart-to-heart interview, which certainly requires a great amount of trust?

"I am hoping that kids who read this might realise that no matter how bad your family situation is, you have a choice not to be a victim," she says.

Source from :

Basically , I like the last part that she encourage teenagers to face the problem and not finding alternatives to release their inner feelings.
Besides that , I also admire her courage and bravery to be interviewed on her life although it hurts and it is suppose to be one of the ways to promote her album.
From the excerpt above , she mentioned that she actually quit smoking and distance herself from alcohol. It really takes a lot of persistance and again , courage to quit these bad habits.

"I don't understand why people are so fearful of being alone. I love being alone."
After 2 years of living alone here in Singapore, I still don't dare to quote what she says. I like to be alone sometimes , but not always. Fear of being alone? Yes , I do. I rely on my mp3 player whenever I'm out of my room to forget that I'm alone. I turn on my computer and music whenever I'm studying. I turn on the tv set ,especially at night , although I am not watching.(not everyday though)
I still consider loneliness as a torture , but , well , I think I should try to change the torture chamber into a pleasant one from now on.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Vacation Highlights 1

This holiday period had been ....hectic for me.
Besides travelling to my relatives' house in Penang , I went back to Singapore to attend the 6-days drama camp and came back to KL after a week of secondhand textbook-hunting in Bras Basah Complex.
Although I'm pretty busy , I still have time reading , mostly at night.
The book - Veronika Decides To Die by Paulo Coelho.

Okey , I know the title of the book sounds......*suicidal*, but it's not that bad , really.
From Wikipedia :
Veronika, who leads a seemingly perfect life, lives in Ljubljana, Slovenia. She decides to commit a premeditated suicide by ingesting too many sleeping pills. While she waits for her death, she decides to read a magazine.

After seeing an article in the magazine which wittily asks "Where is Slovenia?," she decides to write a letter to the press justifying her suicide, the idea being to make the press believe that she has killed herself because people don't even know where Slovenia is. Her plan fails and she wakes up in Villete, a mental hospital in Slovenia, where she is told she has a week to live.

Her presence there affects all of the mental hospital's patients, especially Zedka, who has clinical depression; Mari, who suffers from panic attacks; and Eduard, who has schizophrenia, and with whom Veronika falls in love. During her internment in Villete she realises that she has nothing to lose and can therefore do what she wants, say what she wants and be who she wants without having to worry about what others think of her; as a madwoman, she is unlikely to be criticized. Because of this newfound freedom Veronika experiences all the things she never allowed herself to experience including hatred, love and even sexual awakening.

In the meantime, Vilette's head psychiatrist attempts a fascinating but provocative experiment. Can you "shock" someone into wanting to live by convincing her that death is imminent? Like a doctor applying defibrillator paddles to a heart attack victim, Dr. Igor's "prognosis" jump-starts Veronika's new appreciation of the world around her.''

I am really inspired by this book. It makes you reflect on your life.
Well , these are the two main reasons why Veronika decides to commit suicide :
" Everything in her life was the same and , once her youth was gone, it would be downhill all the way , with old age beginning to leave irreversible marks , the onset of illness , the departure of friends.She would gain nothing by continuing to live, the likelihood of suffering only increased. "
The second reason is mainly her sense of complete powerlessness as she describe that "everything was wrong" in the world.
Left with 5 days to live , Veronika decided to think about her life.She realised that her life was not that bad after interacting with the other patients in the mental hospital. She did not die in the end , and she cherish the time she had after escaping from the mental hospital.
I did reflect on my life. It is quite ordinary and dull , we pick up learning points here and there , but I guess we'll learn much more as we grow up. Experiences are indeed important.
So do cherish our lives !

Conception of Success (Part 2)

Identify one person you know personally (whom you deem to be successful):
My cousin , Dr. Low.

Background and biography of this person:
She is born in the year of 1980 , together with her younger twin sister. She's an intelligent student , therefore managed to seek further studies in Melbourne , Australia in the midst of her secondary school life in Malaysia. Few years later , she decided to study medicine. Although she failed to pass her final exam in one of the years (unknown) , she did not give up and yet decided to give it another try and eventually succeeded and graduated after a few years (unknown).
She continued to study while working to be an internal medicine specialist.

Why is he/she successful?
I admire her determination and persistance to achieve her aims although she suffered failures in the past. She's a caring person , cares about her family and of course , her cousins (me!) too. She's also a model for us (the younger cousins) in our family too.

How he/she has inspired you?
I've always think of being a doctor , and therefore she's the role model for me. Although she told us(the younger cousins) that being a doctor is not that easy as it seems , I still believe that I will achieve it one day , by not giving up hope , and never , never give up on something that you've done halfway through , because you may just be a step behind success.

How can this programme help you to get closer to your goals?
Hope to know more about my abilities and my weaknesses in order to do the necessary self-improvements .

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Conception Of Success

Just realised that I'm already late.

From The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition :
Definition of success : The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted

What does success means to me? Well , I think success is basically an accomplishment that brings a sense of satisfaction to ourselves , especially when the tasks are very difficult to be achieved.

One famous personality whom I deem to be successful ? A few people immediately came into my mind : President-elect Obama , Host Oprah Winfrey (do check her out on Wikipedia , I was stunned when I read it), Singer Delta Goodrem (formerly diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma ) etc.
However , I had decided to choose someone.....local. Famous? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe her career is the only reason that brought fame to her. Successful ? She may deny it , but to me , she is a very successful person.

She is none other than --- Lu Rui En.

You guys may ask : " Hey , isn't she the actress from Mediacorp?" or "She's a celebrity , no doubt that there are people , especially her fans , think that being a celebrity is successful. "
Nevertheless , I will explain it in a later part.

Rui En was born in Singapore on 29th January 1981. She was educated in Singapore Chinese's Girls' School (SCGS) and Raffles Junior College for her secondary and pre-tertiary education respectively. She managed to graduate from Nanyang Junior College despite her hectic filming schedule with a Bachelor of Business in 2004 , specializing in Banking and Financing.

Rui En was talent spotted by while appearing in SingTel's popular SingTel hi!Card commercial as the iconic "running girl" in 2001 , thus offered a general management contract by Artiste Networks, a section of Hype Records.

Her career is then a successful one :
- She won the Top Ten Most Popular Female Artiste trophy in Star Awards 2005 ,2006, 2007 respectively , proving her popularity in the Singapore scene.
- Released 2 solo albums , the second album contains 8 songs all penned by her.
-Rui En was invited to sing the National Day Theme Song for the National Day Parade in 2005, alongside Singapore Idol champion Taufik Batisah. The song is "Reach Out For The Skies".
- Acted in several Channel 8 and Channel 5 shows , as well as hosting several reality shows.
- In 2007, Rui En was awarded with Nanyang Outstanding Young Alumni Award Recipient by the NTU Alumni.

Despite her achievements in her career,these weren't the(few) reasons why I think she's successful.

One of the reasons that I deem she's successful is because of her personality : she has a strong opinion of being truly herself , which affects the way she looks , the way she behaves , even the way she speaks. Labelled as "cold and aloof" among artistes, she is not one of the media's hot favourites. Despite this ,I actually admire her courage and persistance to be herself truthfully , as it is a rare motivation which I find it very difficult to develop in me. Being ourselves truthfully is not that easy ; you must have a strong opinion that you will persist in doing the way you wanted despite being left out, scolded or teased. In Rui En's situation , she'd been critisized for being cold and her don't-care-attitude, as actresses are normally friendly and approachable , she persisted throughout and managed to overcome the problem in her own way. She took the risks to treat herself truthfully as she might be isolated by the media or even lose her job as an actress.

Secondly , she is a strong young lady.
Quoted from TODAYonline :
"When I realised that I wasn’t rich and I wasn’t pretty and I was like a nerd, it was kind of tough for a while. After that,I went through a bit of a rebellious stage.That was also because I had problems at home — my parents weren’t getting along and they eventually got divorced."

She was still a secondary school student when her parents divorced. I guess it might have hurt her deeply , as she's also the only child. Loneliness. Uncertain future. I couldn't imagine myself in her state. I would be depressed and give up on everything if it happens.

I recalled from a clip I watched about her that she mentioned about her thoughts in life :
"If you are everyone to everybody , you are being nothing to yourself."

I actually agree to what she said. Introvert?
No ,I guess it has nothing to do with the introvertness of a person , this is a kind of perceptions of life.
Yes , I agree that it's very difficult to please everyone in this world , and the easiest target to be influenced is --- ourselves.
One can just do something simple that might affect your emotion and you can enjoy the rest of the day . However , you must be in a "different form" to please others as different people may have different expectations on their friends/ love ones.

In conclusion , I think it's necessary to treat ourselves truthfully in order to live to the fullest. It's vital to live independently , so that you will know what you want in life .

I would like to change my defination of successful: It is a sense of being content and no matter how big or small the achievement is , it's still a success !

*Information from :
Rui En's fanbase :
Wikipedia :

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Scholarship & Service

It's been a while since the last time I updated this blog.
I've been busy these days , will blog about this in a later time.

So , yes , this is it :

What does scholarship mean to you?
Well , scholarships are opportunities to improve ourselves , which bring challenges along the path of having a new experience / learning journey . Scholarship is also beneficial for us to enhance our skills or to “groom” us to be a better person. Basically, I will feel worthy and glad that my achievements have been acknowledged and therefore it’s time to improve ourselves to aim for excellence.

What responsibilities does a scholar have?
A scholar does have a lot of responsibilities. It’s a huge one.
 A scholar is also a role model for other students, therefore one’s character is quite important in setting a good example to the others. It influences the other students on their behavior, thus scholars are helping the others on their character building too.
 A scholar is also responsible in motivating / helping people to complete tasks, or to advice students not to give up in achieve their ambitions or other tasks.
 Providing service in the community and to the nation. .
 Keep on improve ourselves to excel in life

What are some of the obstacles you think you will face?
I think the main problem I will face is the attention from we will get from teachers and friends. As a scholar, we will be stressed as they will have high expectations on us and believe that we will manage our tasks perfectly.
Poor time management skills. I think I have to think more ahead of time to plan what are the timings to complete the tasks since the schedule will be tighter.

Is a scholar also a leader? How so?
Yes , a scholar is also a leader. A scholar is a role model for student, he/she will lead them to be role models for other students too. A scholar will do his/her best to benefit everyone in the school/community/nation , passing through different challenges while aiming for success.

How do you intend to serve as a scholar?
Firstly , I think it’s vital for us as scholars to know ourselves better so that we will perform to the fullest stage that anyone can be. Then , it is the right time to serve anyone who needs help , be a role model in school , help those needy in the community through service .